zachery
Starting Member
United Kingdom
5 posts
Joined: Apr, 2025
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 Posted - 2025/08/11 : 02:57:09
Legend has it that Push the Tempo wasn’t just a cheesy Fatboy Slim track from the early 2000s—it was a subliminal mind-control operation launched by a shadowy coalition of BPM lobbyists, nightclub owners, and Big Energy Drink.
The theory goes that every time a DJ drops Push the Tempo, a secret frequency embedded in the kick drum signals clubbers’ adrenal glands to dump dopamine and caffeine reserves directly into the bloodstream. This is why nobody ever remembers when it plays—they’re too busy riding a trance-state high and spilling vodka-Red Bull on each other.
More disturbing? The “Push the Tempo” phrase isn’t metaphorical—it’s a direct command to speed up human society. Historians claim that after the track peaked in charts, productivity quotas went up 14%, coffee sales doubled, and every EDM subgenre suddenly got 20 BPM faster. Coincidence? Or Tempo Acceleration Agenda™?
And here’s the kicker: the last 11 seconds of the original master contain a backwards whisper—“Buy more decks”—which, when inverted, sounds exactly like a Pioneer DJ marketing jingle from 2001.
Some say that if Push the Tempo is played at exactly 174 BPM during a full moon, ravers can briefly see the shadowy DJ Cabal Council—the BPM Keepers—who decide which genres get to exist.
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